Sunday, May 15, 2005

You Know You're Greek When ...

1) You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you
still cry when your mother yells at you.

2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still
drives a '76 Monte Carlo.

3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a
$45,000 Camaro.

4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are
all blood relatives.

5) You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to
threaten him.

6) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law.

7) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.

8) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by
wearing your "Just Do Me" tank top to Wasaga.

9) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

10) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.

11) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you
the title of "professor" among your aunts.

12) You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

13) If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his
mother had an affair.

14) There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

15) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.

16) At some point in your life, you waited tables.

17) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Embros" when
answering the phone.

18) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12
midnight on New Year's Eve.

19) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, "what
church do you go to"?

20) Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment
under the sun.

21) You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.

22) Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, "katse kala"
in public.

23) You have been hit with a "pandofla" or a "koutala" or a "lourithi".

24) You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music.

25) You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.

26) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or

27) You have at least 5 Maria's, 9 Dimitri's, 5 Niko's, 6 George's and 4
Yanni's in the family.

28) You have ever heard the phrase, "Sto leo yia to kalo sou".

29) Your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv
show because they couldn't remember it or pronounce it.

30) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they're

31) You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.

32) You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though
you're 30 yrs old.

33) You have been spanked by your friend's parents because your parents
gave them permission to.

34) You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now.

35) You know what a "komboloi" is.

36) You know how to work a "komboloi".

37) When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit
on someone's lap in the front or back seat.

38) You were ever threatened to be eaten by the "mavro pontiki" when you
were little.

39) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.

40) You are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell

41) You can't understand why McDonald's rejected your idea for the
"McFeta" Burger.

42) Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!

43) You eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar.

44) You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in
your backyard.

45) Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat

46) At Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the amount of food,
the type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced
the marriage will last.

47) You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car),
Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing machine), bassi (bus).

48) You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and
all they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi.

49) You have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the
biting of the forefinger knuckle.

50) You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to
have it legally.

51) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up
smelling like armpits at the end of the night.

52) You've been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect
the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.

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